Mixed Feelings
by MyLittleLiverspot
Summary: Remus discovers that he has feelings for Sirius, feelings a normal teenage boy should not have towards his best mate. Find out what happens. SiriusxRemus


Hopefully i can turn this into a weekly project. But don't hold me to that, i do tend to slack off a bit. Dx

Disclaimer- I am definatly not J.K.Rowling as i'm sure she would not write slash about these two.

Warnings - Contains mild slash and cursing.

Hope you guys enjoy this. And f you don't like, don't read.

Chapter 1 - Realisation

Oh gosh. There he is. Remus suddenly turned his head sharply away from the boy who had just walked in, advoiding his gaze. It wasn't that he disliked the boy, he was one of his closest friends he'd ever had, but lately he just couldn't stand to look at the black haired youth.

When ever he was in Sirius's presence his stomach felt like it would fall out of the bottom of his torso, his heart would try to break out through means of his throat and his palms got slightly sweaty, an over-all very unpleasent experiance.

He didn't know why this would happen, it just would and he hated it. He'd been through five years with the boy and never once had he felt like this, until a few weeks ago. He was convinced he was going mad and these where the first signs.

"Hey Rem. Double Arithmancy. Total drag." Oh no, Remus's stomic clenched at the sound of the dark haired boys voice.

"Yeah." Was all he could think of as a reply. It wasn't even true, Remus rather enjoyed Arithmancy but he didn't want to argue, that would mean more talking. Deciding to pull out his text book and pretend to be deeply interested in it, copying down a few small notes every now and them he managed to stay out of most conversation with his two friends.

Class ended and everyone started to pack up thier belongings moving to either thier next session or to a free period. "Remus, join us down by the lake?" James called to him from the doorway, frist packed and moved out.

"I'm alright." Remus called back. "Be in the library if you need me." James just rolled his eyes and headed out with his dark hair companion who had joined his side. Remus's whole body seemed to relax once he had gone out of the room and was heading towards the library. He couldn't stand much more of this, it was rediculas to say the least. Maybe he'd been slipped some sort of potion that made your brain go fuzzy and start to churn up your insides. He wasn't revieving very good visual images so stopped thinking about it.

Once in the library and seated he pulled out books, parchment, ink pod, quills and wand. He was ready to begain work, untill Lily Evans pulled up next to him.

"Oh, hello Remus. Mind if i join you?" She asked smileing pleasently. Remus gave her an invitation to sit down and she took her seat.

Lily was never a real draw back to Remus, she was pleasent to have around, although she had a hot temper whenever a certain marauder accompanied him, she also shared most of his common interest and she could hold a pretty intelectual conversation.

But there was something about her that made Remus a little nervous at times, she held an atmosphere that Remus couldn't stand, it made him want to trust and admit things to her. She always kept them secret and was paintient and understanding. But Remus didn't know what he would do right now, he didn't know what he was feeling or what to do about it and even thinking about it made him nervous.

"What subject are you working on?" She asked casually. "I know i've still got to get that dreadful assignment set by Prof. Slughorn done. I seriously think that man enjoys giving our class excessive amounts of work to do." Remus gave her an odd look, she normally loved potions. "Oh, well, you know. I do like potions it's just that he thinks it's the bane of my life, he thinks i should dedicate all of my time to it. Crazy if you ask me." Remus smiled awkwardly, he knew exactly what she ment. Slughorn liked to pick favouites and Lily was his top pick.

"I'm doing Charms to answer your original question." Remus replied looking down at his work with a hard, quizical expresion. He stayed like this for a while before checking through books and writing and re-writing the same sentance afew times. He couldn't decide if it needed something else or not and finally gave up with a huff, resting his quill in the inkpod.

Lily looked over to his page quickly and saw the mistakes he'd repetidly made, crossed out, re-wrote and abandoned all together. She looked up at him, he seemed distracted, staring off into space, hand running a finger along a small scar on his chin. "Remus?" Lily asked uncertainly, trying to get the boys attencion.

"Hmn." The boy replied comming slowly back to earth and turning towards her, but not looking at her directly in the eyes.

"Is something up? You've re-writen the same sentance about six times, that's not like you." She asked looking worried.

"It's nothing Lily, just can't concentrate is all." He reasured her, still advoiding her eyes.

"Look at me and say that then."

He looked up and met her gaze, it was strong and determined. He tried to stare back but found he couldn't and quickly looked away.

"Oh, Remus, what's up?" She asked sypathetically, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Don't make me worry about you, i do enough of that already. Even since you told me about you condition."

"It's not that and you shouldn't worry about me, you know i can handle that..." He trailed off. Her hand gave him a small squeeze on the shoulder before returning it to her lap. "It's... well... i don't know how to..." He looked at her quickly to see if she was listening to him. "It's stupid really, nothing to get worried about. It's just that lately Sirius has..."

"What have Sirius and James been doing to you? I'll kill them when i find out, i can't stand them." Lily protested over his explanation.

"Lily, settle down." He ushered alarmed at her quick responce. "It's nothing like that at all. It's just Sirius. I can't look at him anymore or talk to him, and i have no idea why." Lily looked a little taken aback by this, clearly still thinking her theory was right. "We didn't fight, i knowing you're probably thinking that's why i wont talk to him, but it's not. It's just, I can't look at him because he makes me feel wierd inside. Does that make sence? Umm... Like, someone's let off a whole load of dungboms and done a runner in my stomic. My throat catches and i can't talk proberly, it's just not normal. Is something wrong with me Lily? Do you think Madam Pompfrey could help me?" His face was filled with doubt and worry, trying to work out what he was saying himself as he said it.

Suddenly Lily started laughing, muffled giggles in her hands. Remus looked horrified. "It's not funny Lily."

"I'm sorry Remus. I know it's not, it's just, i couldn't help it. You sounded so cute." She had managed to stop giggling and make a statement.

"Cute?" Remus asked.

"Well, i think i might know you're problem Remus." He leaned in close to her to hear what it was, maybe they could make a potion to make it go away? "I think you're feeling love sick towards Sirius."

Remus's jaw dropped, his eyes widened and his brain froze. Love? For Sirius? His mate? A BOY!? "No way, absalutely not. You must have it wrong Lily, i couldn't..." He struggled around the word. "Love, Sirius. He's one of my best mates, he's a marauder, he's a boy for heaven sakes. And last time i checked he liked girls."

"True, Sirius does seem very inclined to females but you can't deny it Remus, you even flush when you say his name." Remus touched his cheek quickly, it was warm, crap. "Do you know for sure you like girls though Remus? Have you ever actully had a girlfriend?"

Remus's mouth went dry. He'd liked girls but not in the ways James and Sirius and Peter did. He didn't lust after them like most boys. He hadn't ever had a girlfriend, he could've asked mulitpule girls by now, but just wasn't interested. Maybe Lily was half right. But that didn't mean he liked boys. Gosh, it was so ubsured, it couldn't be true, none of it. It wasn't possible.

He practically wiped all of his stuff from the table into his bag that he through over his shoulder as he headed out of the library. "Remus!?" He heard Lily call after him. But he had started running and she wouldn't be able to catch up in time. He could hear the librarian telling Lily off for yelling in the library as he exited and took the neared secret passage way he could find.

Slowing his breath and his heart beat he sat down in the darkness of the passage way. A single lantern dawned the wall giving eveything a sight orangly look and casting long shaddows all around him. Remus closed his eyes breathing deeply. What Lily said wasn't true, Remus did not like guys and he definatly did not like Sirius of all people. Sirius was funny and cunning and sneeky and charming and handsome and... wait, charming, handsome? No, that wasn't what he'd said, he must've thought wrong, right?

"Bugger." He said out loud, feling that if he protested it outloud it would reasure him more. As much as he wanted to deny it maybe he did like the marauder. He was by no means ugly or annoying but he was Remus's best mate, it was just wrong.

He could hear muffled footsteps comming up to the entrance of the passage. Even if it was Lily and she didn't know about the hide out, he still felt like he should move.

--

Remus faught in his head the intire rest of the day about what Sirius ment to him. Which ment he hardly paid attention in class, acidently blew off his friends a couple of times because he was off in his own little world and recieved quite a few odd stares when he started up the old habit of talking to him himself a little to loudly. Finally, calapsing from mental exaustion in a chair by the warm fire place he tried to clear his mind of Sirius-ish thoughts.

The room was alive with people, as it usually was, giving the common room a familiar and pleasing atmosphere. Remus shut his eyes and leaned back into his chair, letting his body fill with warmth.

Unknown to Remus three devilish boys wearing satisfied smiles walked into the room smiling and nudging each other in a playful matter.

Seeing the small boy curled by by the fire, the tallest boy with shoulder length black hair grinned and nodded to his mates in the direction of his prey. Silently the laughed to themselves and Sirius got a run up and then pounced right atop the boy and the chair he was sitting on.

A yell was hear from beside the fire as he collided with the small boy who was totally oblivious to what had just happened. Unable to hold it in anymore the two spectators cracked up laughing and made thier way towards the chair.

"Stop laughing. That wasn't funny Sirius! You scared me to death."

"I know, the look... on your face... was... priceless." He spat out between laughs. Remus pushed him with a free hand and the boy went off balance, as soon as he started to fall he grabbed Remus's shirt for suport and the two ended up entangled on the floor together in a mix of laughter, sorries and swearing.

Remus flushed bright red as soon as he realised that he was sitting atop Sirius in a rather sugestive possition. What he'd been thinking about all day came back to him.

He shot up, mumbled something about needing a shower before bed and hurried off towards the dorms, leaving the group behind, who shared quizical expressions about what had just happened. Then saw Sirius still spread out on the floor like a rug and started laughing again.

I have the next chapter on it's way,so, please review and hopefully i can continue this.


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